Strive for reality.

Stay classy

2007-03-24T22:53:00.000-07:00

San Diego. =)

Conclusion.

2007-03-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

So I've come to the decision that I'll just tear my heart to pieces and then just ask God to help me build back a brand new one of equal value. =)

Waiting.

2007-02-19T22:47:00.000-08:00

I'm just trying to wait for the right time. I'll be here 'til then though. Ain't never gonna leave. You should know that.
Patience.

I just wanna be back home

2007-01-14T02:33:00.000-08:00

with my people.

pray for me guys....

I wish

2007-01-02T02:30:00.000-08:00

that I didn't have to leave. I leave in less than 15 hours and I'm still not packed or ready to go. Man. I DO NOT wanna go. It feels like I have too much going on for me right now to have to get away from it. It just kills me to have to go. Like having to leave all my people is basically what hurts the most. And missing a whole last week of break to kick it with them. Wow. It's funny cause last time I went somewhere far, I could've cared less who I left behind. I'm guessing it's probably because I had no one to miss. And now that I have like the greatest friends in the world, I don't wanna leave them now. Which makes me now realize. All of my good friends are just a bunch of church kids. And there ain't no shame in that. But yeah. I guess I only hang with UTC kids now. lol. I would've never seen this coming about 6 months ago. You'd just have to understand me as a person to really know what it means for me to leave. Cause I don't know. Like back in the day, like a year ago lol, I honestly believed I had no friends. It was like Wtf am i doing with my life? I have no people to kick it with and there's no one here that's down for me. Like all I do is workout with the football team, go home and do homework and be on the computer for no reason because there's no one to talk to. Oh and when i had nothing to do, i'd head over to the park afterschool or on the weekends and play basketball by myself since my homies have better things to do. So yeah. I'm being hella emo right now. Lol sorry. But forreals though. That's exactly why God is my Savior. He picked me up from whatever I thought I was going through and introduced me to people that have now changed my life forever. Whatever. I'm gonna miss EVERYTHING though. Like how me and the boys play basketball in the mornings. I'll miss the UTC meetings for sure. I'm gonna miss going to mass on Sundays with my peoples. I'll miss all the brothers and sisters. I'll miss my car. I'll miss all the laughs I get when I'm with my people. I'll hella miss my boo boo bear and her smile. =\ I'll miss Thursday core meetings. I'll miss watching basketball and football. which makes me now realize I'm probably gonna miss all of football playoffs... I'll miss my bed. I'll miss talking on the phone. I'll miss texting people. I'll miss my music. I'll miss my Wii. I'll miss In N Out. I'll miss the park. I'll miss my friends making me smile and feel good like 24/7. (no matter how gay that sounds.)

So all I'm really trying to say is that I'm gonna really miss all my people out there. And none of them have any idea how much. Like even though it's pretty gay, I could cry right now at the thought of me having to leave them. And yeah I know it's only 3 weeks, but that's pretty long to me, and it feels like these are the most important 3 weeks for me right now. I don't know why, but it does. Yeah. It just kinda sucks that I have to go out like this. And on top of all of that, I have to miss school, which i'm already slipping in. Whatever. Hopefully I eventually am happy that i'm going. I'm still looking for one good reason i should be going besides seeing a whole bunch of family and idk why im not excited for that. I'm wishing that I can go and help GK with Joanne, but that doesn't look likely right now. But I'm gonna be praying and asking God to help me get through this really though time and I'm gonna ask everyone out there to pray for me as well cause I really need His strength right now. So I'm just gonna end it here. Everyone take care and just watch over yourselves while i'm gone. lol. Hopefully no one forgets about me? =)
Byeee everyone.

I really need

2006-12-20T22:33:00.000-08:00

A best friend.
Like forreals. =/

I need

2006-12-20T00:24:00.000-08:00

A best friend. =/

I hope

2006-12-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

that one day, I'm remembered for doing something good. =)

Like your mom!!!! HAHA
I'm goooood. =P

UTC Retreat this weekend.
I'm sooo psyched.

Take your finger off

2006-11-28T23:18:00.000-08:00

fast forward.
Slow down.
Then maybe you can see what's right in front of you.
And see it for what it is.

So anyway, I was on myspace today, and I happened to be looking through my friends.
Then I came to realize.
I have a lot of cute friends. =) (boys AND girls. but mostly girls.)
Not myspace friends, but I mean like actual friends that I kick it with.
Dang guys. Make me even prouder to be your friend.
That's all I have to say today. Besides the usual School is gay and Calculus is gay, nothing too new.
Goodnight people. Peace.

Maybe if

2006-11-26T23:06:00.000-08:00

I just really think about this, then I'll know what to do.

Because I can probably ask for all the help, but it's only something I can decide for myself in the end. I remember when I was first introduced I thought, "Dang. This is gonna be no problem. They're all the same right? I mean it's not like this is something new to me." So yeah. I decided to step up to this "challenge". Of course I was somewhat hesitant about it. But there was always the option to opt out right? Anyway, as time went on and I began to learn more and more, my ideas began to change. From others I'd hear all this trash and doubt as if I were crazy to do something like this. I'd listen of course, but I thought were just trippin'. Others really encouraged it though and definitely agreed that it was something I should try. That made me want it more than ever too. So then I just waited I guess. Waited and waited until I got the right chance I would say? I dont' know. But like I somewhat put it to the side and forgot about it for awhile. Until like one day I was thinking about it and really understanding what was going on and it like totally hit me. This is not what I should be doing at all. I knew for a fact that I would be happy in the end. But while it lasted, I thought it would be too much for me to deal with and too much stress and complications. So with what I hoped for and with all the expectation I put into it, I was flat out discouraged. Like I didn't even wanna try anymore. It was stupid too because I was putting my all into this and wanting it so bad, but in the end I got no benefit. Yes, I was devastated and thought about just quitting for awhile. So I did. I just thought it was too much for me to handle and I just couldn't take it anymore. My feelings were on all-time low and I just had like no more will. I thought this was the end and I'll be just fine. People began to ask on my "status" and I had to tell them that it was getting too much for me and I had to end it. I thought i'd be happier this way. But friends and some family were really disappointed. I'm not the type of person to let others be in negativity just for my success, or in other words be greedy(?). Whatever. It's just I thought I'd be happier, but I'm only happy if everyone else is happy. So I thought about it and decided to go back. Like I was doing it for myself at first, but now that I know what other people think, I'll do it for them. I have no problem with that. As long as I can see a smile on someone's face then my job is done. Getting back to the story though. I just had to go back though. So I did. This time with even greater will and force. I pushed way harder and gave my all once again. Luckily for me, at this time I didn't have to push as hard because it was much weaker than before. That didn't last for too long though. So I'm back where I was before. Wanting to quit and to just give up. Don' t think i'm bullshitting either when I say it's difficult because it is. I've never given so much effort into something like this before. And advice to others would be don't even bother trying if you can't give up any more than your all. Did that make sense? Whatever though. I'm getting lazy if you can't tell. So yeah.

If you ever want to have a flourishing and lasting social life, don't take Calculus. At least not with the teacher I have. It'll ruin your life. Mentally and physically. No joke.

Okay then. That's my piece. Now I have to do a 3 page essay for that class. Goodnight people. =)
If you want a

While you were gone,

2006-11-21T20:20:00.000-08:00

I was having the time of my life.

Well I don't know. I just wanted to say that. It sounded cool.
So anyway.
I bought a Wii guys! It's sickkk.
And please don't be ignorant and laugh at the sound of it.
LOL. jk.
But it does kinda hurt when people laugh at me when I try to brag about it. =)

Whatever though.
To update you millions of readers out there,
my life SUCKS.
Nahh. Not really. I'm just messing.
It's actually pretty crackin'. (Besides of ever dreadful school part though. =/)
Oh and also with the Wii thing, I'm broke. So that's another thing that sucks.
I blew all my money on it, and I also borrowed money for it so I'm in debt.
It's all good though. Like this past weekend? OMG.
It was crackkkkkin. lol. Well in my perspective it was.
Cause I swear I chilled with / hung with / saw almost everyone this weekend.
Except for Vegas peoples. But everyone I saw, made me smile. And having all those people make me smile all weekend just made me oh so overwhelmingly happy. ;)

Guess what my new favorite song is?!?
Vanessa Hudgens - Come Back to Me
Chyeeah. =)

That's it. Thanks for wasting your time reading this. Now go back to your neverendingly exciting lives .
But feel free to come back anytime or the next time you have nothing better to do with your time. Hopefully I'll have an update for you. =)
Peace peoples.

I believe that

2006-11-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

girls are quite comical and they easily cause me to smile.
And for that matter, all of my friends do that as well.
Can't wait for the weekend. =)

Oh and I watched one of my favorite movies of all time today.
The Fox and The Hound.
I loved it. I was touched.
I need to get that on DVD asap.

I miss my dogs.
Someone come with me to visit them.

I'm cute.

2006-11-15T23:04:00.000-08:00

NOT!

8.8.06

2006-08-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

One day, I want to be real.

Real like living under no one's influence besides God's. Real like having your own style. Real like having your own style and not caring that it's different from other people's. Real like standing out from the crowd. Real like speaking from the heart. Real like repping your beliefs to the fullest. Real like Him. Real like loving what you do, sticking to it, and never giving up. Real like putting major influence on others.

8.6.06

2006-08-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

A great friend is someone who's there at any random time just to listen to any random thing you have to say.

Whether it was good or bad, don't look back on your summer. Look forward to what you're going to do with the rest of it.

7.31.06

2006-07-31T01:07:00.000-07:00

End of the month. Here we go. Final stretch. Last chance.

Hopefully this can make some sense to you. It's hard to explain.

Arright. I'm a perfectionist. Maybe lots of other people are. I'm not saying necessarily everything is perfect for me, because yeah. There's of course no such thing. Or it has different perspectives. Whatever. Perfect is just a difficult thing to reach. So we all try to make everything perfect and achive that level of happiness where nothing is wrong. I personally like to have every aspect or anything im involved in to be in the best condition possible. Health, education, relationships, all that good stuff. It's good to have them as perfect as possible. So as someone who likes to keep everything in tip top shape, it's bad for something not being able to have it to a level that satisifes you. Hard to put to words. Um. Well all i'm trying to say is it's hard to fill a swimming pool when you're in the middle of the desert. You feel empty and lost, but just keep searching. You'll find it eventually and restore that completeness. But for some people, they just have to keep looking more than others. And maybe some people just aren't meant to have a swimming pool.

7.27.06 Extra

2006-07-27T22:13:00.000-07:00

After wise thought and many preachings i've produced a theory.
During summer;

Darkness is the signification of accomplishment and the label of will and initiative to achieve pleasure while avoiding regression.

Figure that one out. I came up with it all by myself. =)
So darkness, here I come!!

7.25.06 Expression of Daily Thought

2006-07-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

Can't wait 'til the day I become a father. It'll have to wait though. Taking one step at a time. Because right now I got 2 brothers and a mom.No one else is there to do it. So forget the summer job. This is
My everyday job.

Off To N.Y. (7.14.06)

2006-07-13T23:12:00.001-07:00

Yeah i'm up. Getting sleepy though. I decided to just save the sleep for the plane. We go to the airport in LB at 6. Our flight isn't until like 9 though. Well I think this vacation is going to be either the highlight of my summer or at least what makes this summer unique and different from the others.
We'll see though. Not really sure yet. But i've come up with some ideas about summer and why it's losing its importance and specialness(?).

Well one idea is that maybe my summer is so boring and sometimes life is boring, is maybe because i'm boring. And I might be right, but how can I know? I think i'm just whatever. Not fun. But not really dull. That's just my opinion of myself. Let me know. But i'm seriously not talking about anyone specific when I say maybe other people are like that too. They're not having a too fun summer because they themselves don't have the initiative to go out and be a fun person. Think about it.

And summer is starting to pass by fast. It's already halfway over. Geez. And I haven't accomplished a single thing. Barely started homework and haven't gone anywhere special. Besides going out and being physically active on a constant basis of course. I've come up with the solution of that i've wasted so much time complaining about how boring my summer that yeah. I'm wasting it complaining. And look how far into summer it is now. A whole month of saying dang boring boring boring. I'm getting over it now a little. I'm appreciating the fact that there's no homework. Lol. That's it basically. Oh and how much time I get to spend with my brothers and my friends from time to time. I like it. Even though we don't do much, their company is priceless to me.

Lastly, some people like to complain that they would be having a good summer if they actually had something to do. Like there's nothing to do in the world. And they (we) use the excuse of "I have no money." "No ride." "No one to go with." Come on now. You don't need to pay for fun. You're just too lazy to get off of the computer and get into the blazing sun. And don't tell me you're the only person in the world with a boring summer. There's a lot more things to do out there without money. The more obvious ones are definitely the park and swimming pools. Maybe the beach. But bonfires are all the rage nowadays, and those consume currency. I'm sorry, but I have that same problem of finding stuff to do without money, so I can't really help out too much on that. There's always UTC! YPR August 19-20 !!! Goo! LOL. You could also just chill at a friend's house too. That's usually fun. Oh, but your friend's house is far? Yeah. 2 blocks is a little far to walk. Or run. Or ride a bike, scooter, skateboard. Haha. Really though. People are getting really lazy now and not wanting to get out of the house. Maybe cause they don't like the sun, but if they would actually try, they would soon become immune to the heat, which would allow for more travel. Yeeah? Get what i'm saying? so get off your ass. Get off myspace. Get off aim. Unless you have a good reason. Like you're working on getting some. That's excuseable. Haha. But the most invalid excuse to not go out, "No one to go with." Right. There are a bunch of people out there wanting to get out. It's just their minds are lazy since it's summer and they can't think of things to do. So you invite them to do stuff with you. Yeah. Simple as that.

But yeah. I'm headin to New York. Hopefully I don't miss anything. I'll miss my friends though. Definitely. For a week? Come on. They are THAT awesome. I'll probably still be on Aim and Myspace over there though. Lol. Like a loser. Yes. So I hope everyone takes care of themselves and doesn't do anything stupid while i'm gone. Geez. I sound like i'm going to be gone forever.Okay. Bye. Stay good.

Some play hard to get. Some are hard to get. So sometimes I don't know when to just give up. I hate it. My mind tell me yes but I'm being held back at the same time. It's funny. How I had this same feeling before. This same decision. I know this time it's a different chick, but i'm scared that it's going to end up the same way. Me. Devastated. Left there to look for the next reason to continue. I couldn't possibly go through that again. Right? Or am I willing to take that risk one more time?

7.12.06 Part 2

2006-07-13T01:49:00.000-07:00

Just some quotes. Think about 'em.

"If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else. "

"They said it was comin' back around, man. Back to the lyrics, man."

"It's been a long time since I feel i been felt."

"Discriminating the competition just makes you a hater. Compete and bump yourself up instead."

"First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others. "

Well, goodnight everyone.

This One's GoOD. (7.3.06)

2006-07-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

wow. okay. if anyone really reads these things, maybe you read that yesterday i was really bummed out and whatever. well last night i prayed really hard. i figured i was losing the increasing closeness i had with Him due to my ignoring of His callings and His presence in my everyday life. i pleaded for him to give me strength and help me get back on my path cause i think i forgot what i was doing in my life. i asked the Lord to help me find what i needed in life. like i was crying, if that expresses how bad i wanted my faith back. so yeah. thats how i fell asleep last night. so then i woke up today and got over it like it was nothing. yeah yeah yeah. then my family and i went to watch Click. My goodness. It's like one of my favorite movies now. You'd just have to watch it to understand. I don't want to spoil it for anyone if they do watch it. But its theme is somewhat of a Tuesdays With Morrie and 5 People You Meet In Heaven. I really learned much more from it though because the situations he was in applied more to my life. Then after the movie, (while peeing, how awkward. lol.) i realized He answered my prayers. The movie showed me all of the things i was asking for. I'm not going to explain every single feeling and detail about it, i just want to get some of my ideas out there.

Well the overall idea of what i learned i would say is:
Don't get caught up in YOU.
Maybe it doesn't make sense. That's why i'm gonna explain it. Okay so look. I don't know if it's just me, but my world is so small and i'm really conceited(?). I'm not sure if that's the right word, but like how everything is about you, whatever the word is. I'm lazy to look for another one. But alright. I realized that everything i do, and everything i think about, has to benefit me in some way. When I make decisions and settle arguements and such, i always have to find a way that doesn'y only help the opposing side, but mine as well. And the only reason i make sacrifices are because i want people to think of ME as a better person. Why do i try so hard in school? So I can look smart and better than other people. (The main reason i try though is so i won't disappoint my parents and make my own great family.) Why do i want to play sports so bad? So I can be looked up to and highly respected. (I just love basketball. That's different.) Why do I want a girlfriend so bad? So I can have something I can be proud of and make ME feel great. (Girls are also just hott and are sometimes more fun than boys. lol) Why do i decide to be nice to people? So I can be seen as a "good" person or friend. (Now that you've read that don't think "oh dang so all of his niceness was fake?" lol. no. like 90% of the time i just like to make people smile and feel good.) Yeah? Think about it. Maybe you're doing the same. If you're not doing this, you're either in denile and lying to yourself, or you're just a great person. Keep it up. If you are, then let's work on it together. lol. I think i have an idea of what to do. But think about how instead of making ourselves better people by improving on our skills and such, making ourselves better human beings by how we make other people feel and how we affect their lives. (Someone tell me if i just stole that from something because i swear i did. LOL.) But really though. That's the truth. Before you die, you want to remember your more memorable and worthful (Yeah. that's a word. I looked it up. ;)) moments. You want to look back on your life and say wow I really did something. Like say you could choose. Pick a life where you're the greatest athlete/ singer / rapper in the world. You broke like a bunch of records won a bunch of awards and stuff. Or someone like what's that dude's name? Anthony Robinson? Whatever, that motivational speaker guy. Someone who changed people's lives, and been a great friend, someone everyone could depend one. Who would you choose? (I swear i keep stealing these ideas and words from something. Let me know!) Suprisingly, I would so choose the record guy. Cause to be that good at everything you'd need to have some friends and people to help you. and with all those records? You'd probably insprire like 99% of the world. haha. Yeah. Life-changing. The other way is just as good though. Maybe even better. Dang. Now i'm lost with my speech. Oh yeah. So having all those memories and moments of your life being that great would make your death that much easier for you wouldn't it? Another thing to add on. I also came to the remembrance of the idea of as we get older, others get older. And as people get older, they get closer to death. And death just causes pain. Our loved ones get closer to death as we get older. So we (mostly adolescents and children) love to wish to get older and want to fast-forward time, but we not only need to embrace our freedom and not having so many responsibilites, but embrace the idea that the people we love, look up to, go to for advice, and use as examples for our life are still alive and use the precious time to our advantage. (Now i know i didn't steal that one.) Cause once they're gone, we can't get them back. We can't redo what we did and didn't do. We can't rewind time. We can just put it in slow-motion from our perspective and live it to the fullest because
We only live once.

hope you're thinking. :D
goodnight.

Oh and to anyone who watches the movie, you'll understand why it affected me so much. I found that it's cause I think that my dad realizing what he did to my family and himself right before he dies is just a litte bit too late for me. But then again, it's better than not realizing at all right?

7.1.06 cont.

2006-07-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

wait wait. lol. k thought of something. whos got it tough? boys or girls? well being a guy and all, one would think id say its harder being a male. but really, in my opinion, girls lives are more difficult than ours. well number one, girls can get pregnant. haha. forreals though. ive heard people say the worst physical pain someone can go through is having a baby. and yeah. id probably have to agree. come on now. an actual human being coming out of you? geez. at least female exit doors are larger than mens. cuz damn. that would kinda hurt al ittle more for us, if we could get pregnant of course. then yeah they get periods and then menopause. my gosh. if men had to wear pads and tampons, that would be hell. like a bloody hell. lol. but we have to wear condoms. hah. so take that women. yes there are female condoms, but who the hell wears those? exactly. so heres the analogy tampons: females :: condoms : males. okay? okay. what else troubles women? oh theyre emotionally weaker. i dont know if thats necessarily true though. maybe theyre just more open to express their feelings? yeah i think so. so theres one of the few advantages over men. then also women are also physically weaker in general. yeah. self explanatory. okay now im getting lazy so im gonna be quick. lol. women have to present themselves more carefully than men because theyre more prone to be judged because of the whole ho whore skank business. which of course turns most men off. but at the same time, some dudes arent into girls who they know will not give it up at all. and of course, men are shallow so to attract them girls have to dress nicely which nowadays is replaced by sexy. lol. which goes back to the ho whore skank business. i swear im missing something. so with all of the weaknesses of women, they are drawn to be inferior to men. which i think is unfair, but still. someone has to be inferior. no such thing as gender equality. sorry girls. but yeah. girls got it tough. but not my problem. im a MALE. wooo! we dont have cooties! goodnight. bye! :)

6.10.06

2006-06-11T00:27:00.000-07:00

wow havent posted for almost a week. but not too much to be hyped over, so im not going to review too much.

past week:
in the past week, i have went to church monday, tuesday, and wednesday. tueday came home at 11 from walmart and mcdonalds with Columnas. wednesday night, helped tim with this asb shirts after skit and pub. thursday afterschool, i think i went home and just chilled. friday went to caruthers. played with these weak dudes. not saying im tighter than him, im just saying ive seen way better. i cramped up again. i hate when that happens cuz i have no ability to manuver or jump and i use them so much when i play. and when i play, no excuses. and when i have cramps, i pretty much lose because of no defense and agility. the whole caruthers crew was there. lol adriel, dan, lucky, sy then aaron mike louie kevin and his girl and gian. my people were there too. (josh kev ralph tim) went to chill at my house afterwards. fed the dudes. had a nice little time. dudes left even though moms said they could sleepover. geez.

today
slept til 10. ate mcdonalds. played ps2 until forever. went to watch cars at ctc. it was aaaaaawesome! i loved it! even though it was pretty much an unoriginal story. so predicatble. lol it was good though. people should go watch it. i learned something. i just forgot what it was. ill think of it soon. itll be in my conclusion. after movies drove to cold stone to meet up with cousins and aunt. on the way there saw josh waiting for bus. drove him home like a good friend. :) then went to sng. sat next to fountain with aunt mom and cousins while kev bought wings. there was a group chicks at the fountain and tita asked who do u think is the best looking? hahaha shes funny. i was really hesitant to tell her. i just said its obvious, you should know. which was kinda the truth. then i said ask moms shell know. mom said the wrong one and tita said the right one. lol shes good. then there was this other group of girls that came around the fountain and she asked again. haha. this time i didnt tell her. i kept looking over to see who really was the best looking. this one was way harder to decide. lol. i kept looking but everytime i looked at their faces they were like looking back. haha. it was fun. i never decided though. i had left. ate chinese after. it was preetty good. then went home. and finished the space. still not content with it though. i could do better. okay. done with this.

conclusion1
just recently, ive decided to take a somewhat break from girls. (unless of course i feel really lucky and find my soulmate who i will marry in a beautiful church and have a great family with and spend the rest of my life with, but i dont see that happening soon.) my only other exception is if i feel like she is someone who i cant let slip like that. but eh. girls. read about them in my other previous blog.

conclusion2
in cars, i still havent remembered the lesson. i have one theme, but it doesnt feel like the one i found out earlier. okay. ill just go with it. so in cars, (dont read too much if you dont want to hear the ending.) the lightning car or whatever is like this top arrogant racecar who thinks he can win all the time. as hes on his way to a race, his agent gives him tickets to give to his friends for the race. he unforunately cant think of anyone to give them to. he gets lost in some abandoned town with like various types of cars. he wants to leave and go to his race, but he has to help the people there first so they can fill his tank with gas so he can actually go. so he works hard to leave, but he learns to like these people and they become his friends. so his agent finds him in the town one day and forces him to leave and race. hes not the same racecar as before who thinks he can win all the time and he starts losing in the beginning of the race. during the race, his friends come to cheer him on and he wins. he goes back to the town with them and finally has a home. from this movie, i realized that i need to know wheres my "home". when i move on in life someday, i want to be able to come back to something. not only a literal house but people that will welcome me no matter what. people that will care for me, people that will love me unconditionally. so with this, i developed an analogy for the movie. for those who are caught up in Gods love, if we just take time and learn and understand it for what His love really is, then we will always have that home and God will bring us into his arms and care no matter what. whether it being what we have been or have done, His love is unconditional. we just have to show him that we deserve it and want it. :)

see? i get this analyzing stuff. lol. okay im done for the night. its late. family day for church tomorrow in the morning. so goodnight people. take care. bye