This One's GoOD. (7.3.06)

wow. okay. if anyone really reads these things, maybe you read that yesterday i was really bummed out and whatever. well last night i prayed really hard. i figured i was losing the increasing closeness i had with Him due to my ignoring of His callings and His presence in my everyday life. i pleaded for him to give me strength and help me get back on my path cause i think i forgot what i was doing in my life. i asked the Lord to help me find what i needed in life. like i was crying, if that expresses how bad i wanted my faith back. so yeah. thats how i fell asleep last night. so then i woke up today and got over it like it was nothing. yeah yeah yeah. then my family and i went to watch Click. My goodness. It's like one of my favorite movies now. You'd just have to watch it to understand. I don't want to spoil it for anyone if they do watch it. But its theme is somewhat of a Tuesdays With Morrie and 5 People You Meet In Heaven. I really learned much more from it though because the situations he was in applied more to my life. Then after the movie, (while peeing, how awkward. lol.) i realized He answered my prayers. The movie showed me all of the things i was asking for. I'm not going to explain every single feeling and detail about it, i just want to get some of my ideas out there.


Well the overall idea of what i learned i would say is:
Don't get caught up in YOU.
Maybe it doesn't make sense. That's why i'm gonna explain it. Okay so look. I don't know if it's just me, but my world is so small and i'm really conceited(?). I'm not sure if that's the right word, but like how everything is about you, whatever the word is. I'm lazy to look for another one. But alright. I realized that everything i do, and everything i think about, has to benefit me in some way. When I make decisions and settle arguements and such, i always have to find a way that doesn'y only help the opposing side, but mine as well. And the only reason i make sacrifices are because i want people to think of ME as a better person. Why do i try so hard in school? So I can look smart and better than other people. (The main reason i try though is so i won't disappoint my parents and make my own great family.) Why do i want to play sports so bad? So I can be looked up to and highly respected. (I just love basketball. That's different.) Why do I want a girlfriend so bad? So I can have something I can be proud of and make ME feel great. (Girls are also just hott and are sometimes more fun than boys. lol) Why do i decide to be nice to people? So I can be seen as a "good" person or friend. (Now that you've read that don't think "oh dang so all of his niceness was fake?" lol. no. like 90% of the time i just like to make people smile and feel good.) Yeah? Think about it. Maybe you're doing the same. If you're not doing this, you're either in denile and lying to yourself, or you're just a great person. Keep it up. If you are, then let's work on it together. lol. I think i have an idea of what to do. But think about how instead of making ourselves better people by improving on our skills and such, making ourselves better human beings by how we make other people feel and how we affect their lives. (Someone tell me if i just stole that from something because i swear i did. LOL.) But really though. That's the truth. Before you die, you want to remember your more memorable and worthful (Yeah. that's a word. I looked it up. ;)) moments. You want to look back on your life and say wow I really did something. Like say you could choose. Pick a life where you're the greatest athlete/ singer / rapper in the world. You broke like a bunch of records won a bunch of awards and stuff. Or someone like what's that dude's name? Anthony Robinson? Whatever, that motivational speaker guy. Someone who changed people's lives, and been a great friend, someone everyone could depend one. Who would you choose? (I swear i keep stealing these ideas and words from something. Let me know!) Suprisingly, I would so choose the record guy. Cause to be that good at everything you'd need to have some friends and people to help you. and with all those records? You'd probably insprire like 99% of the world. haha. Yeah. Life-changing. The other way is just as good though. Maybe even better. Dang. Now i'm lost with my speech. Oh yeah. So having all those memories and moments of your life being that great would make your death that much easier for you wouldn't it? Another thing to add on. I also came to the remembrance of the idea of as we get older, others get older. And as people get older, they get closer to death. And death just causes pain. Our loved ones get closer to death as we get older. So we (mostly adolescents and children) love to wish to get older and want to fast-forward time, but we not only need to embrace our freedom and not having so many responsibilites, but embrace the idea that the people we love, look up to, go to for advice, and use as examples for our life are still alive and use the precious time to our advantage. (Now i know i didn't steal that one.) Cause once they're gone, we can't get them back. We can't redo what we did and didn't do. We can't rewind time. We can just put it in slow-motion from our perspective and live it to the fullest because
We only live once.

hope you're thinking. :D
goodnight.

Oh and to anyone who watches the movie, you'll understand why it affected me so much. I found that it's cause I think that my dad realizing what he did to my family and himself right before he dies is just a litte bit too late for me. But then again, it's better than not realizing at all right?