Maybe if

I just really think about this, then I'll know what to do.

Because I can probably ask for all the help, but it's only something I can decide for myself in the end. I remember when I was first introduced I thought, "Dang. This is gonna be no problem. They're all the same right? I mean it's not like this is something new to me." So yeah. I decided to step up to this "challenge". Of course I was somewhat hesitant about it. But there was always the option to opt out right? Anyway, as time went on and I began to learn more and more, my ideas began to change. From others I'd hear all this trash and doubt as if I were crazy to do something like this. I'd listen of course, but I thought were just trippin'. Others really encouraged it though and definitely agreed that it was something I should try. That made me want it more than ever too. So then I just waited I guess. Waited and waited until I got the right chance I would say? I dont' know. But like I somewhat put it to the side and forgot about it for awhile. Until like one day I was thinking about it and really understanding what was going on and it like totally hit me. This is not what I should be doing at all. I knew for a fact that I would be happy in the end. But while it lasted, I thought it would be too much for me to deal with and too much stress and complications. So with what I hoped for and with all the expectation I put into it, I was flat out discouraged. Like I didn't even wanna try anymore. It was stupid too because I was putting my all into this and wanting it so bad, but in the end I got no benefit. Yes, I was devastated and thought about just quitting for awhile. So I did. I just thought it was too much for me to handle and I just couldn't take it anymore. My feelings were on all-time low and I just had like no more will. I thought this was the end and I'll be just fine. People began to ask on my "status" and I had to tell them that it was getting too much for me and I had to end it. I thought i'd be happier this way. But friends and some family were really disappointed. I'm not the type of person to let others be in negativity just for my success, or in other words be greedy(?). Whatever. It's just I thought I'd be happier, but I'm only happy if everyone else is happy. So I thought about it and decided to go back. Like I was doing it for myself at first, but now that I know what other people think, I'll do it for them. I have no problem with that. As long as I can see a smile on someone's face then my job is done. Getting back to the story though. I just had to go back though. So I did. This time with even greater will and force. I pushed way harder and gave my all once again. Luckily for me, at this time I didn't have to push as hard because it was much weaker than before. That didn't last for too long though. So I'm back where I was before. Wanting to quit and to just give up. Don' t think i'm bullshitting either when I say it's difficult because it is. I've never given so much effort into something like this before. And advice to others would be don't even bother trying if you can't give up any more than your all. Did that make sense? Whatever though. I'm getting lazy if you can't tell. So yeah.

If you ever want to have a flourishing and lasting social life, don't take Calculus. At least not with the teacher I have. It'll ruin your life. Mentally and physically. No joke.

Okay then. That's my piece. Now I have to do a 3 page essay for that class. Goodnight people. =)
If you want a